Cornelius just wanted to earn some quick cash. How hard could it be to chicken sit his aunt’s constipated hen – a bird who’s never worked out how to lay an egg?
Instead, Cornelius ends up in a bubbling hot tub of trouble involving high tech security, a possible operation involving a meat cleaver, and a romantic rooster who thinks he’s Romeo and God’s gift to chickens.
Can Cornelius escape this feather brained body switch disaster, or is he destined to be remembered forever as one giant dumb cluck?
Cornelius just wanted to earn some quick cash. How hard could it be to chicken sit his aunt’s constipated hen – a bird who’s never worked out how to lay an egg?
Instead, Cornelius ends up in a bubbling hot tub of trouble involving high tech security, a possible operation involving a meat cleaver, and a romantic rooster who thinks he’s Romeo and God’s gift to chickens.
Can Cornelius escape this feather brained body switch disaster, or is he destined to be remembered forever as one giant dumb cluck?
Hoping to get some tasty bacon grease, Jabba the Mutt licked Cornelius's fingers as he always did after Cornelius had a bacon sandwich for breakfast. This was a regular Saturday morning treat for both Cornelius and Jabba. It didn't help either Cornelius's or Jabba's waistlines, but neither of them cared.
Cornelius sat their wearing his favorite "What the Duck" T-shirt, tracksuit pants, and a Canada beanie that his mom had recently given him. He had no idea why she had purchased it for him. They didn't even live in Canada or had ever been there, but it was kind of cool and made more kids at school notice him, so he wore it 24/7 nowadays.
"You mean I'd get paid ten dollars just for checking their dumb cluck Dolly is okay?" Cornelius asked his mom.
"Well, that's what your Aunt Ivy's offered to pay," Cornelius's mom said. "Your father and I have discussed it, and we think you're old enough and responsible enough to start earning some pocket money, by doing odd jobs around the house."
"Except, Dolly's not at our house, is she? Or are they bringing her over?"
His mom put her hands on her hips, making Cornelius think his mom looked like a hen herself at the moment.
"No. She's at your auntie's, of course. We're not going to have a chicken in this house pooping everywhere and doing goodness knows what else. But if you do a good job of looking after Dolly for your Aunt Ivy, while they're away, then we could consider paying you to do some chores around the house as well."
"So, I just pop in, go to the chicken coop to pay Dolly a visit, then come back home?"
"No. You have to sit with her until your Aunt Ivy and Uncle Wilt get home. Apparently, there's been some sort of crisis, and they need you to keep an eye on her while they get something."
What the duck! thought Cornelius. "But that could be ages! I'm not going to spend my whole Saturday sitting in a stinking hen house."
Cornelius's mom sighed. "OK. I tell you what I'll do. I'll double whatever they pay you."
Cornelius thought about that for a second. Ten dollars from his Aunt Ivy and ten from his mom meant he was in line for a twenty-dollar windfall, just for watching some stupid hen. What could go wrong?
"Can you pay me upfront?"
"Normally, most people don't get paid until after they've done the work," his mom explained.
"But this isn't a normal situation, is it? Watching a hen, it'll be as boring as watching a pot boil."
His mom grumped, then gave him a ten-dollar note from her purse. Having cold, hard cash in his hand changed everything for Cornelius. "Count me in," he said as he pocketed the money from his mom.
He rubbed his hands together and thought about what he could buy with twenty dollars once his aunt paid him. He had originally thought about going to Discount Don's, where everything was ten dollars or less, and buying the card version of Monopoly. But now he felt a bit uneasy that only one company was allowed to make Monopoly. Was that fair, to have a monopoly on Monopoly?
Mother's Day was still two months away, but maybe this year, instead of a homemade card that cost nothing to make, he could afford to splurge and get her something nice.
Maybe he could buy her a pair of SNUGG boots? They were just like UGG boots, but a whole lot cheaper because they were usually at least one size smaller—sometimes two sizes—than whatever the label said. And sometimes the left foot was a different size, style, or color than the right, but apart from that, they were perfect.
Cornelius's parents offered to give him a lift and pick him up from his aunt's place, but Cornelius didn't want to be a burden. He knew this was a special day for them.
It was his parents' wedding anniversary, and his dad was going all out to woo and romance his mom again. That was something Cornelius really didn't want to know about, but his dad insisted on telling him his plans to take her out to a day spa, so they could sit in a Jacuzzi, drink champagne as relaxing music played, and get hot stone massages all day.
"It's okay, Dad. I don't need to know all the details. I'll just take my scooter. That way, if Aunt Ivy and Uncle Wilt get home early, I don't have to call you guys to ask for a lift."
"Wouldn't do any good even if you did call us," his dad said. "The Daily Knead day spa has a strict no-phones policy."
"That's so romantic," his mom said. "It's like going back to the 1980s, when people had to actually talk to each other."
"Whatever," said Cornelius, wishing he didn't have to be a part of this conversation. He texted his friends Tyrone and Dan to let them know his plans for the day.
"You're going to be sitting in a chicken hut? Is that even hygienic?" Dan texted back.
Hygiene wasn't a big concern to Cornelius. Sure, he liked a bath or shower just as much as the next guy, but let's be honest, Cornelius could go a week or two without stepping into either one if he wanted to. That was one of the advantages of not being old enough to sweat under your armpits yet.
"It's called a hen house or a chicken coop, not a chicken hut," replied Cornelius in his text to Dan.
Whereas Tyrone just replied with an emoji chicken and the words, "You're always looking at chicks."
Cornelius grinned. Since turning twelve, Cornelius certainly had noticed the girls in his class a lot more. And he figured that with pocket money in his hand, perhaps he could finally afford to take one of them out on a date. The only question was which one? Exciting Edwina, who could do backflips, Marvellous Merinda, who seemed to have a year-round tan; or Gina the Giraffe.
His Aunt Ivy's house was about thirty minutes from his house by scooter. It was on a large block of land on the outskirts of Baybridge. Not long after she moved in, she wanted to become more self-sufficient and have fresh free-range eggs, so she bought a hen. They named the hen Dolly Part-hen, and she was a white Leghorn chicken.
However, his Aunt Ivy's plans hadn't gone well so far, because as far as Cornelius had heard, Dolly Part-hen had never laid one solitary egg. In fact, he had heard whispers that his other Aunt Rose had offered to turn Dolly into a roast chicken for Ivy if she didn't start laying soon.
His Aunt Rose loved roasting things. It didn't matter if it was carrots, onions, potatoes, or pumpkins. She loved to roast them and pour a beautiful homemade gravy over the top. They were all fantastic, but she liked roasting meat even more—beef, chicken, lamb, or turkey. They were all on her hit list.
Luckily, for Dolly Part-hen, his Aunt Ivy had declined Rose's offer of having roast Dolly and instead stated that, "Dolly's probably not laying because she's lonely." The solution, she stated, was simple: she was going to buy some other hens and a rooster to keep Dolly company.
Aunt Ivy was 100% certain that this would be the solution to Dolly Part-hen's lack of egg-laying prowess. But being a bit of a snob, Aunt Ivy didn't want any common old rooster or hen that you could buy in Baybridge.
Oh no, she wanted to buy ones that came with pedigrees and fine breeding that had the potential to win first prize for the best hen at the Baybridge County Fair.
To do that, she said that she would have to purchase hens from another county or possibly a different state. She was going to get different breeds and was going to name each one of them. They were going to be called Amelia Egghart, Eggatha Christie, Hennifer Lopez, and Kim Kar-cluck-ian.
She was even going to buy a rooster, and name him Gregory Peck. As long as the rooster didn't peck Cornelius, he wasn't concerned what she called him.
Anyhow, it wasn't long before…
Cornelius & the Constipated Chicken is a fun, exciting story with many memorable, humorous scenes that will entertain kids and adults.
Twelve-year-old Cornelius was under the assumption that watching over his aunt's constipated hen would be easy peasy, especially since it was in a cage. He thought wrong, and readers will enjoy every bit of the mayhem that unfolds. Cornelius & the Constipated Chicken gives the Freaky Friday plot an unexpected twist: instead of two humans switching bodies, it's a boy and a hen. Sounds funny, right?! Oh, it is!
Amusing moments can be found throughout the 11 chapters, leaving me wishing certain scenes were illustrated. One example, Cornelius and Dolly Part-hen enjoying a super-sudsy soak in the hot tub. By the way, I love the cute wordplay on the hen's name and other poultry names featured in the story. Another example of hilarity was when Cornelius-hen found relief from constipation that plagued Dolly Part-hen. A third example of a comedic encounter revolved around Gregory Peck. Cornelius absolutely did not want to make a romantic connection with Gregory Peck! A final example of a ha-ha scene, but surely not the final one in the story, centered around a ringing cellphone, a confused hen/boy, and a resourceful boy/hen. Forget illustrations, I want these scenes, no, the entire story animated!
Readers will love every moment of the story and wish the fun wasn't over, and their wish will be granted. The author has graciously added sneak peeks in other stories, a playlist of "songs" featured in the story, "no questions asked - trivia," multiple-choice questions (with answer key), and "eggs-tra funny jokes" that lived up to the title, even the one that was shared twice.
Amazon's recommended reading age is 8-12 years, but I think this book is perfect for those who love silly stories or need a good laugh.
Score: 4.5 rounded to 5 stars