A man in Tallinn has found the one job no man is supposed to want. Paid companion for the lonely, the isolated, the elderly. The role exists in European legislation but not in culture, designed for women, borrowed from a practice that only makes sense in Japan. He does it anyway, and he is good at it.
Until he isn't.
Companionship is what that costs him.
[video—I hired a boyfriend in Estonia *not clickbait*]
I watched Annika as she watched the video, waiting for that shift on her face, the twitch of a smile. She leaned against the edge of the island and said nothing. The girl's heart had been going fast the whole time, I remembered that, the way her chest moved against mine, the inkblot stain her thick foundation left on my blue shirt as we hugged.
"How is this supposed to help you?"
"It's already working. I have two new clients."
"Didn't you lose three in the last few weeks?"
I let the breath out slowly through my mouth, looking past the screen and the living room with its looming window leading to the balcony and the green trees burgeoning, all the way to the neighbor watching us across the building. He stubbed his cigarette when our eyes met and carried the tray inside the apartment.
"It's only been out a couple of days," I said, "and it's already at two hundred thousand views."
"Õnnetus Ei Hüüa Tulles."
She breathed it, the way people do when they don't want to sound superstitious—an accident doesn't shout when coming, the kind of thing older people said.
The washing machine ended with a ding. Annika paused the video and moved toward the washer behind me. I straightened in the chair, closing and opening my fists to make the twitchiness go away. When my smile reached an acceptable point on the dimmed screen, I swiveled toward her.
I waited as she moved the last of the damp clothes to the dryer and pressed the start button. One, two, three. Annika crossed her arms. I stood and pulled her wrist gently toward me.
"No," she said, looking away from me, but not fighting me when I pulled her into my arms.
Annika let out a breath, then went limp as my hands traced the length of her spine through the thin cotton shirt, the warm, clean skin smell drawing me in. I waited for her to push me away. When she didn't, my lips brushed her neck, pressing light kisses all the way to her ear. Annika raised her shoulder as if trying to stop me. I stopped.
"You're scratching me with your beard."
"I thought you liked that," I said, keeping my body still and letting hot air from my mouth do the work instead.
When she groaned, I nipped the edge of her ear. Her palms settled on my biceps. I hoisted her into the air, her legs wrapping around my hips and when she looked at me, her pale skin was flushed behind locks of dark blonde hair. Annika kissed me. Then, as I walked toward our bedroom, carrying her weight with one hand and another in front of me to make sure there were no obstacles, I checked my watch. Two hours and twelve minutes until my client.
⋮
We were still catching our breath when Annika's laptop started ringing with that familiar tune.
"Kurat!"
She darted from bed, scanned the room for her clothes, pulling her hair into a ponytail with one of those hair ties that always left marks on her wrist. I checked my watch. I needed to get ready.
Turning on all the lights in the bathroom, I stepped into the shower first, focusing on scrubbing. Eliise was the type to touch, and she remarked on my skin a few times. I applied deodorant after, having to sit with the aerosol smell in the bathroom until I left, but it sat better with most people than perfume.
I brushed my teeth, then shaved. While not really allowed to touch beyond the approved list, most clients preferred a clean-shaven man. A face cream followed. The wind still dried skin in late spring and I couldn't afford to look like tree bark in Old Town.
I trimmed my nails, filed them, and pushed back the cuticles, applying cuticle oil when I was done. Probably the most important part of the body to keep maintained if I only had a little time to prepare. Annika knocked, then walked into the bathroom as I picked the hairdryer from the drawer and began drying my hair.
Annika said something I didn't catch, so I turned off the dryer.
"I can't believe I was late for the meeting with Jaakob."
She kissed my back. I smiled in the mirror at her, but continued with the hairdryer, parting my hair this way and that, pulling back when the heat got too intense. Eliise liked to sit on my right, so I moved it to the left. Annika pushed me with her hips out of the way to wash her hands.
"We're going ahead with the plan. Jaakob set up the first round of brands," she spoke loud enough to be heard over the noise, then ran her damp fingers through my hair, moving it in the other direction.
I pulled away, moving her arms behind her and kept them there with one hand as I styled my hair the right way. I turned the dryer off. "That's great. Who's in the first round?"
Annika smiled and rose on her tiptoes to blow wind in my face, but it didn't reach my hair. "We're going with some other local startups, but we're keeping it diverse, you know—for a better portfolio."
"Mhm," I released her and strolled back toward the bedroom to find something to wear. "Anyone I would know?"
Eliise had opinions about how men dressed—too formal, too try-hard, not put-together enough. I moved the polished shirts aside and grabbed a pair of faded jeans and a white shirt I left unironed. The jacket gave it enough structure. Casual, but not careless.
"Oh, Jaakob will be in charge of the artisan and retail, so I don't know much about that. On the business and technical sectors—hmm—I don't think it's anyone you worked with before."
I put on my watch and I had about twenty-five minutes until our meeting. I lived within walking distance to Old Town, Vanalinn, and thought about leaving as quickly as possible since she usually arrived early and got worked up waiting alone.
"I have to go."
Annika entered the main room that was living room and kitchen and hallway altogether, still only wearing the shirt and leaned against the door frame.
"Do I have to pay you now to listen to me?"
"I don't want to think about what your bill would be with all the extra things you get besides being listened to."
"I'm still the only one getting special treatment, right?"
"Of course."
Loafers on, I kissed her on the lips, picked my jacket and was out the door.
⋮
My breath fogged on the narrow street, shoes echoing on the wet pavement. I stopped at a red light and zipped my jacket, then checked if I had mud on the back of my jeans. Just a few tiny streaks. Raisk.
The number five bus passed, blocking my view of the stoplight, the wind blew over the skinny trees on either side of the main road and then all over my freshly shaved face like tiny needles.
The transition from concrete to cobbled streets was always loud, unless you wore sneakers, which I never did outside the gym. Crossing the street from the old brick to the modern side always felt like strolling through history and I glanced at myself in the reflection of the windows and opened my jacket.
I stopped near Sõprus Fountain, the running water drowning the sound of people marching. Thirteen minutes until our date. I unwrapped a gum from a pack in my jacket pocket, checked my face in the front camera of my phone, then glanced at the app to see if she had any special requests that day. She didn't. The usual reassurance, jokes, physical contact and hugs in a public setting, then.
Eliise's brown hair was scurrying along the building, trying to avoid passers-by and she smiled, her hand coming up when she spotted me. I took a deep breath, standing tall, smile ready.
"Tere! I'm sorry. Am I late? My meeting ran longer than it should have and—"
"No, no," I said, opening my arms to embrace her. "I arrived a few moments ago."
She pressed herself against me, chest rising and falling fast with the exertion, the top of her umbrella pressing into my calf. I held her, counting to five while I rested my chin on the top of her messy, windblown hair.
Eliise hesitated when I let go and smiled, her eyes darting across my body from head to chest to legs.
"How do you look so good in this weather? I look like a raccoon."
I laughed and ran my fingers through my hair. "You look great, Eliise."
She smiled, but her body seemed to get smaller as clusters of people passed us, blue eyes already glued to the ground.
"Where do you want to go today?" I asked, offering my arm. She took it and held on tightly, hooking her umbrella on my arm as well.
"Oh—um—there's this vegan place like five minutes away. Is that okay?"
"Of course. Whatever you want to do. This is your time."
We walked in silence for a few moments. It was always hard to get her to talk, but once she got comfortable, you couldn't stop her if you tried.
"How was your week so far?"
"Ugh, don't get me started. I fucked up so bad at work…"
"How so?"
"I saw something the other day, but I wasn't sure if it was worth bringing up. And then in the meeting, I explained how to fix it instead of saying I'd noticed it before."
"So you didn't miss it. You just didn't want to overstep."
"Yeah, but I mean that's kind of the job…and I'm not doing a great job at the job. How many times can you say job really fast?"
"Jobjobjob."
She beamed. "You sound like one of those pixel game characters that eats food pixels."
I adjusted my pace to match hers, unsure about how to give her reassurance without being too generic.
"Speaking of food, you like vegan, right?" she asked.
"Sure. Is that something you're interested in now?"
"Yeah, I mean it's good for you and it's wild how they can make vegetables be so tasty, right?"
I nodded as enthusiastically as I could, then we turned the corner and we were already there.
"I've never been here before," I said.
"Well, I like to keep things interesting."
Sitting in an array of restaurants, the place resembled many other buildings in Vanalinn. I marched a few steps ahead, opening the door and gesturing for Eliise to go in first. She smiled in that shy way of hers, and when I entered the place, I could tell why she picked it. It was small while keeping that usual look restaurants did in this part of town: exposed medieval stone, reinforced with modern structure. This one featured dark wood as opposed to the industrial-looking metal some other places liked to work with.
The host greeted us and took us to a two people table in the middle, and before Eliise could say anything, I asked if we could move to a table in the corner. That way, she would be less distracted by people. Eliise beamed as I pulled the chair for her.
"Extra boyfriend points for that."
I was about to joke how she should leave me a five star review but decided against it and smiled showing teeth instead.
She placed her bag against the chair and I took both our coats and umbrella to the hanger behind us. I sat down, placing my hands on the table and she leaned over the table and smiled sheepishly as she took one of my hands in hers.
"You look lovely today," I said.
She smiled and dropped her gaze to our hands. "Hardly. This wind is messing up my makeup."
"Flushed cheeks are cute."
"You're cute."
I laughed and kept the smile on my face as she watched me roll the sleeves of the hand she held.
"Thank you," I said.
The server brought up two menus and Eliise reluctantly let go of my hand.
"Are you comfortable?"
She nodded as she turned the cardboard in her hands, skimming the items.
"Do you want to sit closer?"
Her eyes perked up at that and she smiled, biting her lower lip as she considered it and shook her head. It was a tight fit since the tables were small and we were seated in the corner, but when I asked if she was sure she placed her head in her palms and shook her head again.
"Well, let me know if you change your mind."
When Eliise emerged, she dragged a finger on the corner of her eye and for a moment, I thought she was crying. But she merely pulled at her eye, a black smudge remaining and asked, "Are you hungry? I'm hungry."
"Starved. What are we having?"
"Umm—I was thinking Caesar salad, but you can get anything you want."
"Thank you."
I skimmed the top and end for the cheapest options and nothing seemed like it would qualify as like a meal. I couldn't get soup with my white shirt and just a side of fries with whatever vegan sauce wasn't likely to be filling. Where was the protein?
"What do you recommend?"
"People on social media usually go for the lasagna pulled pork thing. Or the curry if you’re into that…"
I smiled and dropped the menu. "That sounds delicious."
She smiled and reached over the table again to touch my hand, turning it this way and that, tracing patterns with her fingers up to my forearm. When the waiter came to take our order, she withdrew, her beige sweater seemingly too big on her as folded into it. I left my hand on the table, within her reach, and relayed our order. She glanced around the room, arms hugging at the elbows as she took in the other four people and the staff.
"Do you want to trade seats? Or sit at another table?"
"No, just vibe checking. Places like this are usually pretty chill."
"Tell me more about what made you uncomfortable at work."
"Well, you know when you realize you're the only one who noticed something and now it's your responsibility? Like that's a lot of pressure when you're the only junior on a project and you're supposed to keep up with everyone else. And beside like the technical stuff there's the social aspect of it. Anyway. Sorry. I'm rambling."
"No, that makes sense. What is it about the social aspect that bothers you?"
"I just don't think I come across how I mean to and like even in meetings—sometimes some of the guys just speak over me, you know? Kinda rude. I know I should speak up. It's just that in the moment, my brain is like mush and I'm unsure of everything—even if it makes sense to me it might not make sense to everyone else. And I only think of clever things to say after, like late at night when I'm trying to sleep."
I adjusted my weight in the chair and thought of a few faces from the office, then let it go.
"What do you wish you would have done differently?"
"In this case, I guess I should have phrased it like a question to the senior about whether this was the best practice or like an exception or just sus. You know, not to be an ass but like also just say that I noticed the potential bug."
"That sounds kind of lonely."
"Yeah, I mean there's people I get along with better, but even now the tech field is still male dominated. And yet, I still can't get a date because I don't know how to talk to men… Not that I want to date anyone at work. It's probably not a great idea if we work together and it doesn't work out."
"Is there someone at work that you like?"
"Um—I don't know. There's men that are obviously attractive, but it has to be more than that. I mean I have to be able to talk to them and so far that part is kind of a bust."
Our food arrived and I tried as inconspicuously as I could to check the time. We'd have maybe fifteen minutes after we were done eating. And goodbyes were something Eliise wasn't fond of.
She talked some more about her family and the expectations of her parents. She talked the way people do when they finally find the pace of their own voice. The food was surprisingly tasty and filling. I fed Eliise a bite of mine and she was all smiles for the rest of the date.
"It's our anniversary next week," Eliise said, looking out the window, once she finished her food.
At first, I thought she was talking to herself, but then she looked straight at me, a crooked smile on her face like she'd caught me with something red-handed.
"I—well—"
A strangled sort of sound came from me and her smile widened.
"It's okay," Eliise said, reaching for my hand, "I didn't expect you to remember. I know you go on a lot of dates—I don't wanna make it weird… But I thought maybe we could do something next week, if you're available."
My chest tightened for a moment. I wanted to say I didn't. But that wasn't the protocol.
"We… usually plan through the app."
"Yeah, I know—and we can do that. It's just that I was gonna book one of those full day things—"
"Oh—"
"Yeah, and I wanted to see how you felt about it."
"I'd have to check availability… what did you have in mind exactly?"
She squeezed my fingers, then hid her turned face in the crook of her elbow. Eliise removed her hand and hid both of them in her oversized sweater, then gesticulated through it as she often did when excited.
"It isn't on the app—"
Oh no. What was the procedure for terminating an appointment?
"—but I saw that it's a thing in Japan that some companies offer."
I kept still. Saying anything would have revealed how uncomfortable it was. So I decided it was best to say nothing.
"Cuddling," she ended, finally looking at me again.
I tried to temper my face, smile in a way that wasn't easily done, and nodded as I processed it. I expected worse. Yes, we didn't do that in the agency. I didn't want to do that. But I could always ask them and they would be the ones to say no.
"Well, yeah—that's not in the app. But I'll ask the agency."
"Okay, I'll go pay for the food."
I nodded, letting out a long breath through my mouth. Seven minutes left on my watch. She turned and saw me looking at it, and her entire body slumped.
She mouthed, "Nooo," then sagged back into her chair, placing her wallet in her bag.
"I had a wonderful time," I said, voice surprisingly calm, rising to get our jackets, letting my hand linger for a moment on her shoulder.
"It went by so fast."
I helped her with her jacket, trying not to smile at the puppy-dog expression plastered on her face.
Outside the restaurant, I opened my arms to her and Eliise, with folded arms, dragged fer feet as slowly as she could toward me.
"I'll send a message through the app when I hear from them, okay?"
She grumbled an approval and reluctantly wrapped her arms around me. As soon as she did, I counted to five and removed my hands. Eliise didn't let go.