DiscoverSelf-help

Comfortably Uncomfortable

By

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One woman’s pain and suffering laid bare for all to see. Humbling and heartbreaking, a journey of self-discovery for both author and reader.

Synopsis

Jacquelyn Phillips hated herself. She sabotaged everything she did before she even started. Her upbringing was toxic. Her marriage was crumbling. Her friendships were built on deception. She tried to kill herself.

She is unique, but she might be just like you.

In this incredibly honest, raw, and real memoir, Phillips reveals how she faced the origins of self-hatred turning them into self-love. She describes how she dealt with childhood trauma and rewrote her upbringing. She works past the lies to rebuild the foundation of her marriage. She shows how she fought the patriarchy and won.

Phillips had too much damage not to need some kind of help. But conventional doctors and therapies didn’t help. Their patriarchal approach rubbed the wrong way on still raw wounds. She fought it all. She found a way to exist, pain free, physically and mentally.

On all fronts—Phillips made the choice to put in the hard work herself. She found happiness through making choices that gave her control. Most of it made her feel uncomfortable, putting her in awkward situations. Most of it scared her. But, as she shows in Comfortably Uncomfortable, that hard work is worth every minute.

Raw, real and honest.


A book that guides you to face off with your fears and issues and gets into the dark places inside of you, shining a light for you on your journey of self-discovery.


Jacquelyn Phillips has ripped open her soul for all to see in this wonderfully written book. She delves into ALL OF HER ISSUES, showing us how they had crept upon her, how she had avoided owning them, and then how she faced them and finally started working through them.


Jacquelyn discusses the various treatments she has undergone over the years, detailing her opinion on whether they are effective or not. This, for me, was very refreshing. Many books of this genre will suggest a certain treatment, but rarely do you hear if the treatment is a waste of time. Obviously this is the author’s viewpoint and will not reflect everyone, but for me, I think her honesty is much needed in this field.


Throughout the book Jacquelyn references her relationship with her Mom. This pulled-back the curtain view into their personal lives is heartbreaking at times, but also offers hope to people who struggle with toxic family relationships.


The book is in three parts. The first part is all about Jacquelyn opening up Pandora’s Box getting all of her troubles and issues out into the open. This section may be uncomfortable reading, but it is absolutely necessary for us to understand how the next two parts work.


Part Two is all about the clean up phase. Here she shares the letters she wrote to her parents as part of her healing process. Those letters are raw and emotive, and they certainly don’t make for easy reading. But there is something beautiful in her words that leave you feeling the release and relief.


Part Three is all about turning pain into power. As someone who has a chronic illness, Jacquelyn has not only used her emotional pain to push her on, but her physical pain too. This is not the sort of book that preaches, it’s aimed at guiding the reader to find their self worth.


Given the difficult topics discussed in this book, I wasn’t sure if I would actually enjoy reading it. But I was surprised to find that this was a book I actually did enjoy reading.


I found this book inspirational and would recommend it.



Reviewed by

I review for numerous organisations, including netgalley. I love reading just about anything and everything.

Synopsis

Jacquelyn Phillips hated herself. She sabotaged everything she did before she even started. Her upbringing was toxic. Her marriage was crumbling. Her friendships were built on deception. She tried to kill herself.

She is unique, but she might be just like you.

In this incredibly honest, raw, and real memoir, Phillips reveals how she faced the origins of self-hatred turning them into self-love. She describes how she dealt with childhood trauma and rewrote her upbringing. She works past the lies to rebuild the foundation of her marriage. She shows how she fought the patriarchy and won.

Phillips had too much damage not to need some kind of help. But conventional doctors and therapies didn’t help. Their patriarchal approach rubbed the wrong way on still raw wounds. She fought it all. She found a way to exist, pain free, physically and mentally.

On all fronts—Phillips made the choice to put in the hard work herself. She found happiness through making choices that gave her control. Most of it made her feel uncomfortable, putting her in awkward situations. Most of it scared her. But, as she shows in Comfortably Uncomfortable, that hard work is worth every minute.

Planting My Seeds

I am a piece of shit.

Or at least I was. It took four years of intense work before I found the euphoria of admitting that out loud and to others.

Everything hurt. My heart, my head, my soul, my body. Up until about two years ago, I introduced myself as broken, damaged goods and deflected compliments of praise. It was easier to degrade myself so that other people couldn’t do it first. I was a deep-sea fisherman casting my hook for pity and praise, but ultimately rejecting all of it because I believed I didn’t really deserve it. I built an identity that suited my maladaptive needs and swept my real identity under the rug.

I’m a hippie, a beach bum, sunbather with my toes in the sand, and I would rather be a naked, traveling wanderer. I’m raunchy, inappropriate, and I use salty language. This is my true identity, my unshakable honest truth. I work tirelessly because it makes me happy and I need to feel accomplished. I build and craft and create; I am an artist. I sing and love to dance like a rapper’s girlfriend. I know a little about a lot and it makes me proud to be a constant learner. I love to cook but I hate to clean. I’m not a broken toy or a damaged good; I’m a vibrant, resilient strong, MacGyver, motherfucking bad ass. I am the ‘get ‘er done’ without the redneck. I love attention and am learning to garner it for the right things. I love connecting with others. I am accepting of myself because no matter where my head hits the pillow, I’m still waking up with me in the morning. I am spending my days standing up for myself and loving myself just the way I am, and I will tell you it is far less exhausting to be me, than to be the me I thought I was supposed to be.

But I wasn’t always able to embrace the beauty I now see in myself. I was depressed, self-hating, and lonely, even among my closest friends. And because misery loves company, I took that hurt out on everyone else, with no regard for damage, feelings, or long-term consequences.

I had a great façade of success; I prattled off buzz words about how I wasn’t the victim of circumstance: I was the hero. I played the martyr card and wore my own version of a thorny crown.

Only very recently was I able to come out of my own personal hurricane to survey the damage and start to rebuild.

And now, my truth is setting me free. But I know in my heart that so many of us are shitty people because we aren’t comfortable with growing emotionally; we haven’t yet learned how to embrace change and find our truth—and not the version we peddle as our own.

So, I ask you to read my story with an open mind. Learn from my mistakes if you can and apply my techniques as you see fit. Find solutions to issues you haven't been able to tap into yet and experience emotional growth within yourself and encourage it all around you. I can attest that this isn’t a one and done. Just as peeling an onion involves many layers, resolving your issues uncovers new layers that you must deal with eventually.

Take this trip with me—a trip that you can revisit by rereading whenever the inspiration strikes. Each time you dig in, take new knowledge from my story, my truth.

Can you dig it?

About the author

Jacquelyn of all trades and master of none, a fearless adventurer of self improvement and far away places. An often barefoot, coffee drinking multi-tasker. I'm a photographer, a venue owner and now author. Mother to a teenager and two dogs, residing in Gilbert, Arizona. view profile

Published on June 06, 2020

Published by

50000 words

Contains explicit content ⚠️

Worked with a Reedsy professional 🏆

Genre: Self-help

Reviewed by

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