Early October

Kate woke up with a pounding headache and her throat dry. The room was dark save for the crack of light that shone through the hotel’s blackout curtains. She rubbed her eyes and rolled over to her side. At eye level she could see the empty bottle of cheap wine and groaned at the memory of the day before.

She sat up and pushed herself back until she rested against the ruffled pillows and the stiff headboard. Kate felt at that moment that she didn’t want to go on. Littered around the queen-size bed she could make out the remnants of the clothes and belongings she had thrown in bags heaped on the floor.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

She looked down at her wedding band, and the diamond felt heavy against her swollen finger. Kate took a deep breath, letting her hand fall to rest lifeless against the bedspread coverlet.

The day before had held so much promise. She cringed with regret as she remembered how hopeful she had been anticipating the premiere of her husband’s latest film. He was planning to leave that afternoon for the Salt Lake City Independent Film Festival, with Kate to join him the next day. Kate had been packing up their belongings while David was fielding phone calls from festival organizers all over the country.

She was proud of his work. A staunch proponent for investigative journalism, David had ex- posed some of the most heinous crimes against our natural world. He had won awards for his work on the poaching of sea turtles, and this latest work exposed the fishing industry and their part in contributing to the demise of our larger mammal friends whales, dolphins, and porpoises.

Kate had beamed to herself while folding his shirts into the open suitcase. At that moment she had felt extremely proud to be his wife. He could have chosen anyone, but he chose her.

Well, she laughed to herself, he chose her after she had sought him out as a mentor. He was twenty years her senior, she had followed his work all through journalism school, and he was a big reason she had pursued a career in writing.

Writing to expose, to share, to inform, to connect.

She had wanted her life to be more meaningful and to have an impact as well. Five years ago, when she saw that he was coming to teach a workshop on writing for film, Kate had jumped at the opportunity. She had booked a last-minute plane ticket to Charleston, flying from New York to spend the weekend in the hope that she would meet her idol.

She had secretly hoped that they would get to spend time alone.

Now, as Kate opened her eyes in the still darkened room, she thought,

Be careful what you wish for.

Closing her eyes again she drifted back to the past. It had been a whirlwind romance. Dangerous and exciting. He was opinionated and strong, and Kate couldn’t resist his charm and charisma. She also knew that others couldn’t resist as well.

His phone would beep with text messages at all hours of the night. At one point she saw that they were from women’s names she didn’t know, all professing their love for him and saying they couldn’t wait to see him again.

Kate had been out of her depth. David had insisted that they were nothing and that Kate was just insecure and jumping to conclusions. That she was the only one he loved. Yet there was this nagging sense of dread inside Kate’s gut. Their long-distance relationship lasted a short eight months, when she finally gave up trying to compete for his attention. She had broken it off and cut communication.

Then, a few months later, they saw each other unexpectedly at the Houston/Intercontinental airport during a changeover. That weekend changed everything. David dangled the ultimate carrot: marriage. At forty-three, Kate didn’t have any other prospects. It would be his third marriage and her first. She decided to take the chance and dive into the deep end. She believed that if she loved him enough he would change. That they could make this marriage work.

She remembered the ecstatic feeling of happiness as they forged a life together. She had never met anyone with whom she could laugh so deeply. However, instead of sharing a life, it was more a matter of Kate merging her life into his. He was entrenched in Charleston culture and history, with familial ties that prevented him from leaving. Kate packed up her life in New York and moved into his estate.

From the first moment she walked into his world, Kate knew that she was on unequal ground. He had everything in his life planned. He had housekeepers to take care of all his daily chores, and a staff to attend to his needs at the small office he ran from the guest cottage on the estate grounds.

With his deep roots in the area, he was well known and loved by everyone. As an outsider, Kate immediately struggled to find her place.

She had settled into the routine of his life, but she still felt something was off.

It was just then, as Kate had been organizing his socks, that she unzipped the side pouch in David’s suitcase where she saw a piece of paper stuck inside. Her gut hummed as she gently pulled on the edge of the paper. It was a card with a colorful sea porpoise on it, and as she opened it, a picture fell out of a beautiful older woman in a bikini on a beach. Alarms went off in Kate’s head, “To my hero, I’ll never forget our time together and I’ll wait here patiently for your return. Always, R.”

Any excitement immediately vanished and was replaced by a deep knowing and heavy dread. It was one of the same women who had texted David before their breakup. One he promised he had severed ties with. Yet, this time, Kate knew that he had lied about it being over. That it had been nothing.

This was something.

She had heard a bustle in the hallway outside their bedroom and Kate impulsively shoved the card back into the zippered pocket. “Kate! Where are you? Come join us for a champagne toast, love!” Kate cringed and called back, “Be right there!”

You know those moments that completely change a trajectory or life path? This was Kate’s moment. She knew intrinsically that she couldn’t go back to playing the role of the devoted wife, knowing she wasn’t enough. Knowing that there were lies and deceit just below the surface. She couldn’t deny how she felt any longer. It didn’t matter whether the affair was physical or emotional. The fact that David needed someone besides her made her realize that she would never truly make him happy. And he didn’t seem to care if she was unhappy. He didn’t want to change. He wanted what he wanted. He was the famous one. The legend. She was just a woman: expendable.

She had a choice: to shut up and continue to live this life of luxury and fame, having on the surface everything she ever needed; or to walk away from the limelight and the security of being married and take a chance on her own.

Some people live very well with denial. Not Kate. She preferred the truth, even if it was unpleasant.

She resolved that once he left for the airport, she would pack up her things for good.

Opening her swollen eyes back in that hotel room, Kate took a deep breath as she exhaled all of her dreams and hopes into the dark. She had made the ultimate choice: to leave. And she didn’t have any real proof other than her gut and her moral compass.

Lord, only you can help me now.

Kate was alone again, fending for herself. She would forge ahead bravely without knowing what she might face in the future.

David had always told her that no one would love her as he did. Maybe that was true. Kate swallowed the lump of grief rising in her throat and steeled herself. If this was the only kind of love she could get, then she would learn to live without. She didn’t want crumbs.

She wanted the whole cake.