Blind Blaming is when someone blames others, circumstancesâor even themselvesâwithout fully understanding the real problem. People often say, âItâs all their fault.â Other times, they turn inward and say, âItâs all my fault,â even when the truth is far more complex and often beyond their control.
The reality is, many people arenât failing at solving problemsâtheyâre succeeding at solving the wrong problems, perfectly.
The book is designed to help people recognize when theyâre caught in this cycle, understand how to break free, and experience real, lasting transformation.
When people blame without reflection, they stay stuck. But when they apply the framework I teach in the book, they begin to uncover the true root causes of their challenges and move forwardâin both life and business.
Iâve rec'd one review from Jack Canfield, author of The Success Principles and Chicken Soup for the Soul. He had some kind words to share:
"I read cover to cover, I took a bunch of notes and I LOVED it, I loved the story at the beginning too. There are several things that I took away from it. This will be a classic."
â Jack Canfield
Iâd love to hear what you think.
Kevin D. St.Clergy
Blind Blaming is when someone blames others, circumstancesâor even themselvesâwithout fully understanding the real problem. People often say, âItâs all their fault.â Other times, they turn inward and say, âItâs all my fault,â even when the truth is far more complex and often beyond their control.
The reality is, many people arenât failing at solving problemsâtheyâre succeeding at solving the wrong problems, perfectly.
The book is designed to help people recognize when theyâre caught in this cycle, understand how to break free, and experience real, lasting transformation.
When people blame without reflection, they stay stuck. But when they apply the framework I teach in the book, they begin to uncover the true root causes of their challenges and move forwardâin both life and business.
Iâve rec'd one review from Jack Canfield, author of The Success Principles and Chicken Soup for the Soul. He had some kind words to share:
"I read cover to cover, I took a bunch of notes and I LOVED it, I loved the story at the beginning too. There are several things that I took away from it. This will be a classic."
â Jack Canfield
Iâd love to hear what you think.
Kevin D. St.Clergy
HERO
When I was ten years old, baseball was everything to me. I began with T-ball and worked my way up through the leagues. Throughout those years, my father always coached my team. But when my younger brother turned eight and joined the league, my dad decided to coach his team instead. I guess he figured I was well on my way and wanted to get my brother off to a good start. Unfortunately, his absence left me riddled with anxiety during practice and games, and I couldnât seem to shake it.
My father guided me through every detail and strategy of the game. He was the one who taught me how to catch and throw a ball, patiently showing me the correct grip and stance. He taught me how to swing a bat, connect with the ball, and hit confidently off a tee. He wasnât just my coach; he was the one who made me feel secure on the field. The idea of stepping onto the field without him by my side felt unfamiliar and unsettling, as if I had lost a piece of what made playing baseball so special to me. While I wanted to support my brother, I couldnât help but feel unsettled about what it would mean to play without my dadâs guidance.
Though nervous about the change, I moved to the ten-year-old league with two energetic young coaches fresh out of college, who quickly made me feel at ease. After assessing my skills, I went from shortstop to second base, a change that irritated my dad, who had always positioned me at shortstop. But it proved to be the right call. My arm wasnât strong enough for those long throws from shortstop, but at second base, I thrived on the field. When it was time for me to step up to the plate to bat, I hit the ball consistently, sending it right over the second basemanâs head for a base hit almost every time.
Then came our first scrimmage against the previous yearâs championship team. We were ready, energized from practicing, feeling strong and prepared. But things didnât go as planned. We got crushed 32 to 3. Sitting in the dugout afterward, wiping away tears, my teammates could barely look at one another. But our coaches didnât let us wallow.
Instead, they doubled down on the fundamentalsâfielding, batting, teamwork. We improved steadily, as did my confidence. By seasonâs end, my batting average was around .550âa number that would have made Babe Ruth proud. Our team kept winning, climbing toward a rematch with that same championship team. In a story that felt scripted by a baseball fairy tale, we faced the same team again in the championship game. This time, we were ready. We fought hard and won, beating the team that had once seemed unbeatable. That victory remains one of my proudest memories.
I was at the peak of my game, and people noticed. Dreams of playing for the Texas Longhorns, and maybe even the Texas Rangers, felt within reach. During the offseason, I practiced relentlessly. I covered my room with posters of my heroes, imagining myself in the big leagues with the same commanding presence. My dad and others constantly encouraged me, bragging about my dedication and potential. Overhearing conversations about my chances of playing college ballâmaybe even going proâfurther fueled my passion. Those ambitions became my guiding star.
ZERO
Within one year, though, everything changed. At age eleven, I stepped up to the plate, riding high on confidence. But something was different this time. I started swinging . . . and missing. From hitting almost every ball now to missing every pitch, my batting average plummeted to zero.
In one season, I went from hero to zero. It was devastating. I was doing everything rightâpracticing daily, pushing myself hard. Coaches and teammates pushed me harder, but my parents pushed me the hardest. I heard constant shouts from them in the stands: âPlay to win this time!â âFocus!â âTry adjusting your attitude, Kevin!â Coaches echoed their feelings: âCome on! Get your head in the game.â But none of their words helped to change the way I played.
COMPLETE FAILURE
Each missed swing increased my frustration. Walking back to the dugout, I saw the disappointment in the faces of the parents, who were blaming me for our losing streak. My dadâs expression said it all, and I could already hear the upcoming car ride lecture before I shut the door. I knew exactly how it would go. I would hear the same old speech about how important my mindset was, how I needed to play to win, and how I had to be more aggressive on the field. Dad would probably break it down, point by point, telling me what I could have done better and what I would need to work on during practice the next day. Thinking about it made me sink into my seat a little deeper, dreading the predictable routine of critiques and pep talks that always seemed to follow every game.
The following season in the minor leagueâmeant to prepare us for high school baseballâI wasnât even playing. Benched by the coach, I spent the entire season watching my team play the game I loved. I observed from the dugout through the chain-link fence, and my heart grew bitter. I blamed my dad for no longer being my coach and thought that change must be what had messed with my swing and my mindset. I blamed my new coaches for being too hard on me, and then I began to blame myself. I was soon consumed with self-doubt, hatred, and betrayal. I had spent years of my life working on my baseball skills. My childhood dream was to play in high school and proudly wear a lettermanâs jacket. To go on to play in college and maybe even get a shot in the pros, all while watching my mom and dad in the stands and for them to see their advice and our hard work had paid off. However, life had other plans.
This was my first experience with complete failure. My dreams of following my baseball heroesâlike Cal Ripken Jr., who won Rookie of the Year in 1982; or Reggie Jackson, whose effortless swing made him a home run leaderâseemed to belong to a different person. I thought of legends like Wade Boggs, who was able to get on base with each at bat and dominated the league in batting average; and âthe Ryan Express,â Nolan Ryan, whose blazing fastballs might as well have caught fire on their way to the plate. I saw my dreams of following in their cleats slowly slip away. I kept asking myself, How did I end up here? What am I doing wrong?
UNCOVERING THE HIDDEN TRUTH
Two years passed like this, confined to the dugout. I kept trying, kept pushing, hoping something would change. Finally, after one last season on the sidelines, I quit baseball. The dream was dead, and I felt like a failure. Then, two weeks after my final season, I ended up at the eye doctorânot because anyone suspected a vision problem, but because my mom had scheduled a routine checkup. It was one of those fluke appointments that didnât seem important at the time. The eye doctorâs words changed everything: âSorry, kid. Youâre practically blind without glasses.â
Suddenly, it all made sense. Those swings and misses, the frustration, the self-doubting . . . They werenât because I wasnât good enough. The truth was, I literally couldnât see the ball. No oneânot my dad, my coaches, or even Iâhad thought of considering something as simple as my eyesight being the problem with my poor baseball performance. Looking back, it wasnât about pointing fingers or assigning blame. It was about realizing we were all so focused on the wrong thing that we missed the real issue entirely.
I never realized I had poor vision because it didnât seem to affect me in daily life or at school. I was a straight-A student who always sat in the front of the classroom, so I never had trouble seeing the chalkboard. I thought everything was normal. But once I got glasses, everything changed. I still remember the first time I put them on. I looked at the chalkboard and thought, wow, the writing is so clear now! It was like a light bulb went off in my brain.
But the moment that stuck with me was when I saw leaves on trees for the first time. They werenât just green blobs like Iâd always seen, but individual leaves, each full of detail and texture. The world came alive in a way I didnât even know I had been missing. It was a humbling, almost magical experience to realize how much I had overlooked simply because I couldnât see well.
THE UNDERLYING PROBLEM
The real issue? Throughout this journey, the adults in my life never stopped blaming me for what turned out to be beyond my control. They had me blaming myself, too, which was devastating. Sound familiar? No one saw the actual problem. Instead, they blamed everything else: my attitude, my motivation, my swingâanything but the actual cause. They pushed me harder and harder, trying to solve a problem they couldnât even diagnose.
I call this behavior Blind Blaming.TM Itâs at the heart of countless unresolved issues affecting peopleâs health and personal lives, as well as organizations. It happens when people get so caught up in looking for who or what is at fault that they miss what is truly happening.
BEYOND BLIND BLAMING
My experience in baseball taught me a lesson I have carried into every challenge since: Growth and success begin when we stop blind blamingâboth the harsh voices from others and our own internal criticâand start looking for the actual problem. We have to be willing to question our assumptions, to step back and see if there is something weâve missed. Because sometimes the problem isnât who, where, or what we think it is.
The real breakthrough comes when we choose to be curious instead of condemning, when we seek answers instead of rushing to reprimands. It means looking at situations through fresh eyes, searching for what is working before focusing on what is not. When I started empathizing instead of disregardingâothers and myselfâI discovered solutions hiding in plain sight.
Sometimes we are so busy defending against external blame or beating ourselves up that we miss the actual path forward. I liken it to wearing blinders made of accusations and self-doubt. But when we finally take them off, we often find that the cage we thought we were in was partly of our own making.
The day I pulled the plug on baseball, I walked away with a new mission: to never let myself get stuck in a mental cage againâwhether built by othersâ expectations or my own harsh judgments. I went on to hit many âhome runsâ in life in ways I couldnât have imagined back thenânot on the baseball field but in my career.
ZERO TO HERO
In September 2022, almost forty years after my humiliating baseball season at age eleven, and after a grueling year of due diligence at work, my company was finally sold. The day it closed was one of those rare, life-changing moments. Twenty years of hard work and the emotional roller coaster of owning a business had all paid off. When the sale was official, I did something I had imagined for two decades. I took a picture off of my dream boardâa picture Iâd kept there all that time, representing one specific goal. I call it my âone stupid purchase.â So I called my financial advisor and asked, âWell, can I get it?â He laughed and said, âYes, Kevin, you can buy your car.â I didnât wait for him to say anything else. I hung up, laughed, and headed to the dealership with that same picture in hand.
The excitement I felt was something else. Iâd gotten to this moment with the help of many people along the wayâmentors like David Frey, Russell Brunson, and Charlie Cook, as well as my incredible team, whoâd worked just as hard (if not harder) than I did. Their support and expertise were essential, and Iâll always be grateful.
I walked into the Lamborghini dealership, and the salesman, smiling, directed me to the dock where my car awaited. Looking around, I noticed a family nearbyâa husband, wife, and their son, who was about thirteen years old. The boy was posing in some of the showroom cars, beaming as his parents took photos. Curious, I asked one of the employees, âWhatâs going on?â He replied, âWe encourage anyone to take photos with our cars, especially if itâs for a dream board. You never know . . . Like you, they might come back one day to buy it.â
That dealership was on to something! I wish more parents would help their kids dream big thingsâeven if they seem extravagant. I approached the parents and asked if I could give their son a little something to inspire him. They agreed, so I handed him the picture that had been on my own dream board for so many years. On the back, I wrote:
Never let anyone steal your dreams.
Itâs hard to beat someone who never quits.
I encouraged the kid to start his own dream board with this as his first picture. I shared my story about how nearly everything Iâd ever put on my dream board had come true. Iâll never forget the huge smile on his face and the pride beaming from his parents. It was a bit emotional, actually. Every struggle, sacrifice, and triumph I had experienced over the years came full circle right there in the dealership. In fact, I had to step away to the bathroom to collect myself.
When I returned, an employee approached, surprised Iâd given the picture away. âWerenât you going to keep that in the car with you?â he asked.
âI was,â I replied. âBut now itâs the kidâs turn to dream big.â
Driving the car home was exhilarating. Iâd also saved a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne for the occasion. A few close friends who had supported me along the way came over to join my celebration. One friend asked a question that stopped me cold.
âSo, Kev, whatâs next?â
I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he looked serious. âI know you. Youâre not about to retire. Youâre only fifty.â
âWell, I donât know,â I admitted, a bit shaken.
Later that night, when the house was empty, I found myself in my office, staring at my virtual whiteboard where I kept my yearly goals. The question lingered: What is next? I loved what I didâcoaching business owners and individuals. It never felt like work because it was deeply satisfying. But maybe it was time to reach people in a new way. I noticed a book Iâd recently bought on how to give a TEDx talk. That sounded both thrilling and terrifying. Iâd given talks around the world, but narrowing my message down to a single, focused, eighteen-minute talk seemed daunting.
I joined a mastermind group led by Heather Monahan, who was featured on TED.com, and after about a year of working with her and the group, she introduced me to a friend who was a speechwriter and coach. With her small team, they guided me through a process designed to uncover compelling topics. The group asked me to start by listing my biggest life lessons, a two-week exercise that was both powerful and challenging. When I shared my list with the group, one storyâthe baseball storyâstood out. As we dove deeper, I realized I had a concept: Blind Blaming. The idea resonated with everyone. We brainstormed, refined, and crafted the speech.
Around that time, I launched a podcast and invited some successful authors and speakers as guests. After each recording, Iâd ask them a small favor: âCould you take a few minutes to read my TEDx Talk draft?â They all responded positively. One person, who has experienced much success, said, âKevin, you have a duty to write this concept as a book. It could impact millions of lives.â
Excited, I went to work on this book and explored the concepts more deeply. The next year, I joined another mastermind group, the Inner Circle, led by Russell Brunson, who had helped me start the business Iâd sold. At our first live meeting, I presented the concepts of Blind Blaming in a speech to him and about thirty other highly successful entrepreneurs. Afterward, Russell himself came up to me, thrilled by the concept. Others approached me, too, asking, âSo, when is the book coming out? Everything you detail applies to my business, my clients, even my family.â
It was incredible to see how the Blind Blaming framework resonated across different people and industries. The idea of helping millions of people move beyond misplaced blame and focus on the real problems in their lives and at work has turned into a mission for me. This book is a result of that journey, and I truly believe it has the potential to change lives. But it only works if people are willing to dig deep and do the work.
HOW THIS BOOK WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
My journey has shown me how easily hidden truths can hold us back, keeping us trapped in cycles of frustration without realizing what is truly stopping us. Through my work with thousands of clients in live events, coaching programs, and mastermind groups, Iâve seen how uncovering these truths leads to incredible breakthroughs. The insights in this book have transformed my personal relationships and career, and enhanced my opportunities for wealth and leadership. I believe they can do the same for you.
Beyond Blind Blaming offers a clear path forward through the RCD Method: Reflect, Connect, and Decide. Through extensive research and real-world application, youâll discover why traditional problem-solving often fails and how Blind Blaming keeps us trapped in negative patterns. Youâll learn to identify and overcome the true obstacles to your success in business, career, finances, relationships, and personal growthâareas where you may have felt permanently stuck.
The path forward requires three fundamental shifts: release blame based thinking, acknowledge your natural blind spots, and engage in collaborative discovery. While these principles are straightforward, their application is revolutionary. This journey demands commitment, but the rewards are profound: You will gain clarity where there once was confusion. You will experience progress where there was stagnation. And you will have breakthrough solutions to long-standing challenges.
Are you ready? Because if there is one thing Iâve learned, itâs that we all have a choice: We can stay in the box, or we can step out and start playing our own game. Letâs go!
Beyond Blind Blaming is a self-improvement book. The introduction is about the author's early success as a young baseball player. Expectations for Kevin were high. When he started striking out, initial judgements were he wasn't trying hard enough, his attitude was poor, or he lacked focus. Only when Kevin's parents took him to the eye doctor did they discover his real problem was poor eyesight. This is where the moniker "Blind Blaming" comes from: something that "happens when people get so caught up in looking for who or what is at fault that they miss what is truly happening." This book helps the reader identify where he or she focuses blame in "solving the wrong problems perfectly," and instead shift to solve the right problem. Scientific basis is provided for why we blame when something doesn't go well. Next is the "RCD Method: Reflect, Connect and Decide" for successfully exiting the self-reinforcing "blame loop" and making a decision to change. The book ends with seven case studies and a conclusion to put learning into practice.
This book gets a high rating for overall prose style that is conversational and organized, real scenarios where the RCD Method is successfully applied, scientific research cited for added credibility, along with key takeaways, questions for introspection and specific action steps following each chapter.
The book would be better with guidance to create beneficial change. The author puts forward his "O-DNA (Obstacle Deep Nexus Analysis)" framework of five strands: Health, Purpose, Relationships, Growth and Resources. Each strand should be analyzed to find a common obstacle, but how should a solution be crafted? The author does say, "sometimes, the most powerful breakthrough comes not from finding the answer, but from finally being ready to hear it." This tempers the reader's expectations, but there is no specific step to identify the change needed. Early on, the author credits a "mastermind group" for success in exiting his "blame loop." Defining mastermind group earlier in the book would be helpful.
I would recommend this book to anyone dissatisfied with a relationship or career. This book provides an analysis approach and a process to change for the better. The author writes as a partner in the reader's struggle, like a professional coach for which the author advocates. The steps for action at the end of each chapter and end of the book are instrumental to put a plan into action.