Finally, the final semester of senior year started rolling. Even though I still had many years of schooling left for my doctorate, I couldn’t help but bask in the accomplishment of making it to that moment. I had landed an internship at a local mental hospital, “Henry Ellin Asylum.” It wasn’t the internship I had expected, but it was what I was offered,and I was ready to get it done. I would be that much closer to my degree. I can’t pretend that it wasn’t disappointing to intern in an establishment so far from what I desired, but that was okay. Luckily, I was never opposed to doing community service type deeds. Not to mention, I thought it would give me more experience withseeingdifferent diagnosis. Where else could I really get firsthandexposure to diagnosed patients? What better place than the asylum, right?

    “Hi! I’m Ella, I was supposed to start an internship here today.” My eagerness caused my voice to come out in almost a high-pitchedsqueal.

“Sign here.” She said tossing a clipboard across the desk, not bothering to look up at me. I snatched my hand back quickly, almost hitting myself in the chest to keep from being smacked with the clipboard.

    I rolled my eyes and signed the old broken clipboard under the “Visitor” tab listed at the top. As if queued, the desk lady slapped a dingy “Intern” badge on the desk.“Go down to the automatic doors, use this to badge in, take the first left and go through to the last room on the left,” her tone was dry and unenthusiastic.

    I didn’t bother to acknowledge her other than taking the badge and going on my way with her instructions. While I was eager to start my internship, I could already confirm this wasn’t going to be anything like the internship I really wanted. I hadn’t had much coffee, and the lack of personality from the desk lady was bleak. I was never one to fake pleasantries with someone who clearly wasn’t pleasant. 

I was terrible with directions, so I tried my best to remember what she had said.I kept walking in the direction I thought I remembered. She had rubbed me the wrong way and the last thing I planned to do was go back and ask her to repeat herself. 

Through the large automatic doors, I found myself walking down a long corridor. “What did she say?” I asked myself. I was trying hard to remember the next direction the she had given me when I realized on one side of the corridor was a largewhite room behind a glass window the length of the wall. I assume that was some sort of community area for the patients. I found myself watching in awe and amazement. There weren’t many patients there, but the few that were I couldn’t help but study. I found myself trying to diagnose them, trying to see if I could observe any behaviors that would give me an insight into who they were or what they struggled with. 

    There weren’t any caretakers, at least nonethat I could see. I scanned the room. There was a woman with frazzled hair in a chair facing a small TV. It didn’t seem like she was watching it, more as if she were having a conversation with it. Maybe she was talking with herself. She kept looking behind her, almost as if she wanted to make sure no one was there to hear the intimate things she said in her own ear. She would then turn back around and whisper into her shoulder.

    Not too far from her seated in a corner was a younger guy. His hair was shaved close to his scalp. He wasn’t as fidgety as the girl. He was actually quite still. If I hadn’t been paying close attention, I may have missed him completely. I started straining my eyes because it looked as if he was drooling. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had a condition or if it was a side effect of the medicationhe was probably on. 

    I was still observing the young man when something caught my attention. There was a very handsome middle-aged man sitting at a table. He seemed to be playing cards with himself. He looked very well maintained, especiallycompared to the other two individuals in the room. I don’t know what was so intriguing about him. Maybe the mysteriousness of him being in that room, seemingly out of place. Maybe it was how attractive he was. I really couldn’t put my finger on it. I wasn’t even totally sure if he was a patient or an orderly. Regardless, there was something intriguing about him. Something that captured my attention.  I had completely forgotten about the other two patients in that room. In that moment, he had all of my attention. 

    As if he could hear my thoughts, he slowly glanced up at me, smiling. Wow! His smile was beautiful. Should I even find someone with a mental illness so attractive? Was he even a patient? Something about the sudden desire to flirt with this man made me a little uneasy. But the small tinge of uneasiness was dismayed by the utter curiosity boiling inside of me. In that moment I realized I had created my own version of what someone with mental illness looked like. It was in my best interest to learn all of the symptoms that would cause someone to be at their worst. I had spent my entire college career preparing myself to deal with people when they were at their worst. I was almost ashamed ofthe reality that I had never considered them having a best. 

    The light was glistening off of his smile. I thought that little twinkle was only for the movies. I hadn’t spent time looking at anyone lately, especially men. Why was I so captivated with this man, this man who I wasn’t even sure wasn’t completely outside of his own mind?“Snap out of it Ella,” I said to myself right before I squealed. Suddenly there was a woman a little older than me right beside me. “Jesus!” 

    “Be careful with Lebannon, he’s quite the charmer,” she said snickering. “Sorry I startled you, I figured you might have gotten lost. Mandy can be pretty vague with the directions,” she lowered her tone to a whisper, “I’m not even sure why they keep her around, everyone complains about her terrible attitude.” 

    I was a little confused, and this woman was talking so fast. I heard everything she said but couldn’t help admiringthe royal purple lipstick she was wearing. It was the perfect complexion for her olive skin. Her voice was a little high pitched butwas warm and welcoming. It had a southern draw to it that reminded me of home. She made me want to call my mom as soon as I left. 

    “So sorry hun, I’m justa rambling away. I’m Candy, oneof the nurses here at the Asylum, nice to meet you.” She raised her hand to shake. Her nails were perfectly polished and just the right length. 

    “Ella. Candy’s a pretty name.”

    “Oh,hunny no need to try and make me feel good. I know it sounds like my mom expected me to be a stripper or something. Trust me, Iheard it all in school. Ironically, my mom just craved candy so much when she was pregnant with me that’s where I got my name. She was right lazy with it if you ask me,” she chuckled at herself. 

    I motioned behind me through the large glass window, “So, Lebannon?” My tone came out more inquisitively playful than I expected it to. 

    “Yeah, he’s one of the most dapper patients we have by far. Like I said, he’s quite the charmer, and a big flirt,so be careful. Come on with me, I’ll give you the grand tour.” She swiftly twisted around on her heels and started walking. “This is what we call the Rec Room. All of our patients have free time forthe majority of the day as long as they are not on lockdown. Some of them like to use the Rec Room to watch TV, play cards, pretty much anything they want to that won’t harm them. Others like to spend their time in their rooms. It all really just depends on the day around here.”

    “Lockdown?” I asked trying to keep up. 

    “Yes, sometimes the patients may have episodes and become a danger to themselves mostly, but sometimes to others, so they may have to be heavily medicated and on a lockdown procedure, which we will go over shortly. On the opposite side of this hallway are different offices. Most of them are labeled like the linen closet, as well as a few of the therapists’ offices. The ones that don’t have labels on them are only used for storage.”

    The hallway and Rec Room seemed to go on forever. It was way larger than I could have imagined, but that made since. The asylum was huge itself. I tried to make mental note of everything I saw, getting lost in a place this big wasn’t what I wanted to do. Finally we came to the end of the hallway. 

    “To the right leads you to the hospital ward as well as the morgue. Unfortunately,sometimes we use that place a little more often than we would like. We don’t have a dedicated coroner so sometimes it can take up to a week to get one here to autopsy patients and fully document for the families. If they have families. Interestingly enough, for those who don’t have families or anyone who claims their bodies, we also have our own cemetery at the far end at the back of the property.”

    “Wow, really?” I had never heard of that before. So far, listening to Candy was making this internship even more interesting. I just didn’t know how interesting it would continue to get as the day progressed.

    “Yeah, it’s pretty interesting. To the left here we have a few more offices, the cafeteria where you’ll be able to get lunch or snacks during your break, and there’s also a faculty breakroom. Let’s head back towards the other offices to have you fill out your NDA and other HR documents.”

    “An NDA?” My sudden confusion had halted my pace.I didn’t even realize I stopped walking when I asked the question.

    “Yes, no one told you? Oh goodness you have to do everything yourself if you want it done right these days. Given the patients here are all in very vulnerable states and can be seen at their worst, you have to agree not to disclose what happens here with patients to people not employed by the clinic.”

    “I don’t mean to sound rude Candy, but if I can’t disclose things, how am I to properly complete my assignments for the internship course?”

    “The only exception is to your professor. The school’s Psych department has a standing NDA with Henry Ellin. Your assignments just shouldn’t be shared orproofed with other students. 

    “Wow,” that’s all I could say. The rest of the brief walk was quiet. It was honestly the first time Candy had stopped talking since she introduced herself. We passed back by the Rec Room window. Lebannon was still sitting in the corner, seemingly playing cards with himself. Almost as if he knew I was staring at him as I walked by,he looked up again. There was a slight smile on his face. It was as if he knew he had grabbed my attention. And he had.