Book reveals neglected, hidden and unknown truths that shall increase the potential for success in relationships and marriages. The reader shall learn what marriage is, its purpose and proper reasons for marriage, marriage roles and responsibilities, formulating an effective and appropriate marriage job description, how to strengthen the marriage bond, how to be one and also journey as one, expressing the most appropriate love language that is understood by both spouses, as well as practical partner selection. The reader shall also learn the most effective ways of communicating (mind to mind and heart to heart), thereby enhancing understanding of each other. The reader will become an expert at developing marriage job descriptions by considering a spouse’s realistic expectations and also the standard marriage roles and responsibilities. Every marriage is supposed to have a goal and vision. The reader shall also learn ways to resolve diverse kinds of issues and challenges that may be faced in the marriage journey.
This book shall promote and enhance an understanding of marriage, its purpose, marriage roles, love language, personalities, thereby enhancing unity leading to happy and united families, healthy home environments, highly productive families, healthy relationships/ marriages and socially, emotionally healthy children and couples.
1.1 THE NEED – WHY THE BOOK
Most marriages today have become war rooms, prisons, or torture chambers full of violence, selfishness, greediness, lies and unfaithfulness instead of being places of paradise that should inspire many. If you want to see sad people, simply check most married couples. This is because many people – even married ones – do not know the meaning and purpose of marriage.
Many have their hearts broken and abused in relationships and marriages so that they become gripped by doubt and uncertainties and the fear of being in any relationship or marriage again. Relationships and marriages are supposed to be channels of good, joy, love and blessing instead of what many have turned them into today.
How many men and women are in these relationships and marriages that have been transformed into torture chambers and lakes of fire? Why can’t spouses be channels of good, joy and love to each other? The aim of this book is to try and provide guidance and formulae to be used to provide solutions to various challenges and problems in these relationships, and also to help prevent them. Many relationship and marriage mentors and counsellors have been trained yet the situation is getting worse in terms of the rate of failed relationships. The problem is that couples are being given proposed solutions instead of teaching them guidance and formulae for them to use in solving the diverse challenges that they may face in their relationship journeys.
Many marriages start well but due to various reasons and factors end up being eroded in communication, intimacy, passion, commitment, respect and strength. Some may not break down entirely, yet they are like prisons and torture chambers. Some, however, end up in divorce leading to many broken families, and children left with little or no social protection in family structures. Failed marriages are not only those marriages that end up in divorce but include those still together although with poor marriage principles.
In terms of failure in relationships, especially marriage, the author has experienced and knows the pain of shame, stigmatization, rejection, mockery and the loss of a voice, or the power to be heard, as many started considering him as one that could not advise and guide others for fear that his advice and guidance would lead them to similar failure. Nevertheless, failure and the associated pain have been his teacher. All this was for his good and the good of masses globally.
1.2 PURPOSE OF BOOK
The purpose of this book is to equip persons in, and intending to be in, relationships and marriages to have success. The readers shall be equipped with proven knowledge and skills most of which may seem to be new yet are true. This book reveals neglected, hidden and unknown truths that shall increase the potential for success in relationships and marriages.
The first step to failure is entering into marriage without understanding what it is and the associated marriage roles and responsibilities. Many rush to enter into marriage for sex (intimacy), yet are not really ready to accept and be committed to the required roles and responsibilities. Entering into marriage without the necessary preparation, is failure before the actual marriage. Each one must be mentored, taught to acquire the necessary knowledge, trained to acquire skills and should be guided to have the correct reasons for marrying.
This book disqualifies external interference as the sole excuse for marriage failure because a solidly united couple shall face every challenge and problem as a union and not as separate entities.
1.3 TARGETED AUDIENCE
This book is good for the unmarried (ready for marriage or intending to marry), the married, the divorced or persons from failed relationships or marriages, persons about to reconcile or in a reconciliation process, and also marriage counsellors or mentors, that they may appropriately and effectively train, equip, prepare, counsel and mentor both the unmarried and the married. It is a good guide for both preventive and curative counselling. Marriage counsellors shall discover that the best and most effective way to help a couple (even if dealing with a familiar problem), is to teach them how to use marriage formulae and principles to solve their own problems. Formulae and principles are more reliable than giving couples steps or already solved answers which may not be correct due to a variety of issues, challenges and problems. Formulae and principles will include in the solution equation all the factors and root causes of the problem.
Many think that they are qualified to be a husband or wife sexually, financially and by age. Those are not all of the qualifications. One should also be qualified in knowledge, skills and character. Many husbands and wives are not qualified because they lack the necessary knowledge and skills. Even though they may be in a marriage, they behave and make decisions as though they were still single. Are you qualified to be a spouse (husband or wife)? Do you know and fulfil your marriage job description? Do you know what marriage is and what it takes to manage it well?
1.4 FOCUS OF BOOK
The focus of this book is to enhance success in relationships and marriages. It is not limited to any one marriage category but it is beneficial to every marriage type, whether civil or traditional or faith/ religious marriages. The aim of this focus is to strengthen success by promoting the necessary but neglected, hidden and unknown principles that are most able to build relationships and marriages. This book may be found useful in strengthening a marriage, regardless of the marriage category. Therefore, the focus of this book is every relationship and marriage involving a male and a female.
1.5 EXPECTED BENEFITS
Families are the most important units of society for raising children, educating and training them, and providing their needs including social protection. Due to the pain of broken families and homes arising from failed relationships and marriages, our generation is raising abused, neglected, rejected, unhappy, angry and unkind children. This is a time bomb!
This book aims to impact positively the present and future generations. Strong, united, productive and healthy family units lead to productive and healthy communities and countries. Everything starts at family and household level, and this book seeks to impact families positively for the benefit of communities, countries and our global village. The breaking down of family units leaving no social protection structures for children, is as good as destroying communities and countries.
This book shall promote and enhance an understanding of marriage, its purpose, marriage roles, love language and personalities, thereby enhancing unity leading to the following:
(a) happy and united families
(b) healthy home environments
(c) highly productive families
(d) healthy relationships and marriages
(e) socially and emotionally healthy children and couples.
The knowledge that will be acquired in this book shall guide the selection of compatible partners as well as increasing compatibility levels for those already married.
1.6 CONTENT DESCRIPTION (WHAT READERS SHALL LEARN)
The reader shall learn what marriage is, its purpose and proper reasons for marriage, marriage roles and responsibilities, formulating an effective and appropriate marriage job description, how to strengthen the marriage bond, how to be one and also journey as one, expressing the most appropriate love language that is understood by both spouses, as well as practical partner selection.
The reader shall also learn the most effective ways of communicating (mind to mind and heart to heart), thereby enhancing understanding of each other. Most divisions, separations and divorces have their foundation right back in misunderstanding, intolerance and lack of forgiveness. Men and women often fail to understand each other in functionality, reasoning and responses when it comes to marriages. This book shall try to bridge the understanding gap by trying to expound on who a man and a woman are, thereby promoting effectiveness in relating well with each other. Most men do not understand women and vice versa. You cannot relate well with a person you do not understand well. The reader will become an expert at developing marriage job descriptions by considering a spouse’s realistic expectations and also the standard marriage roles and responsibilities. Every marriage is supposed to have a goal and vision. For example, your marriage goal could be, “To have a successful, united and happy marriage where children are nurtured well”. Happiness does not just happen without working for it. One must know what factors promote happiness and one should commit to them daily. Many couples expect happiness to come without effort or to come through magic. This also applies to unity and success in marriage.
The reader shall also learn simple key formulae to resolve diverse kinds of issues and challenges that may be faced in the marriage journey. Without this knowledge and skill, it is almost impossible to achieve your marriage goal in whatever marriage journey you are undertaking. Furthermore, the book shall explain the expected categories of marriage tests or trials in order to prepare couples adequately. Learning about 10, 20, or 30 marriage tests cannot cover all the diverse kinds of trials you may face, but the three key test categories that will be revealed in this book shall most likely cover them, however many tests you may face.
The reader should expect to find at the end of each chapter a lesson (topic) summary statement to refresh the memory of the reader and quotes from the author, to strengthen the understanding of the topic.
DISCLAIMER – PROVISO
The author has used the term “job description” to help him convey the vital point of spouse’s roles and responsibilities required in marriage in comparison with other institutions.
The author decided to use selected scriptures from the Bible to help explain certain principles. So if the reader does not believe in the Bible, the author is requesting that the reader should just focus on and try to ascertain the principles indicated. The author was ready to quote from any source to help strengthen an understanding of the principles. The author wishes you happy reading!