The book suggests that a Man Made for Marriage is seeking a Woman Made for his Dreams. Furthermore, the book confirms that the woman he seeks is out there, looking for him. The challenges he faces however, are formidable. They include his own limiting beliefs, doubts about his value, some fears of rejection, and concerns about how long the whole process is going to take. Â
The book is a solution to help men and women resolve these issues by offering a plan to help men become a Man Made for Marriage and Women Attract One. Men and women can make this connection easily when they learn to become what they want, instead of merely looking for someone who possesses what they want.
The book helps men and women looking for marriage in the follow ways:
⢠Level Up for MarriageÂ
⢠Supercharge Your PurposeÂ
⢠Walk thru the Steps to Become Your Best Version
The book suggests that a Man Made for Marriage is seeking a Woman Made for his Dreams. Furthermore, the book confirms that the woman he seeks is out there, looking for him. The challenges he faces however, are formidable. They include his own limiting beliefs, doubts about his value, some fears of rejection, and concerns about how long the whole process is going to take. Â
The book is a solution to help men and women resolve these issues by offering a plan to help men become a Man Made for Marriage and Women Attract One. Men and women can make this connection easily when they learn to become what they want, instead of merely looking for someone who possesses what they want.
The book helps men and women looking for marriage in the follow ways:
⢠Level Up for MarriageÂ
⢠Supercharge Your PurposeÂ
⢠Walk thru the Steps to Become Your Best Version
The hero in men is drawn to the act of blessing and to the response of being respected by the she-ro in his life. For this type of exchange to become a reality, real life, real moments, and real obstacles await you. Men, you will need to manage your time well to achieve the results you want. So as we begin, letâs agree that you will make time management a priority and a first solution for your journey.
A second solution relates to change. Have you noticed that the woman you want to attract, or the woman you already share life with, continues to change? As a Man Made for Marriage, it is imperative that you change. Consider words like, âI donât know,â banned from your conversation. âWhere do you want to go tonight?â should be replaced. Instead, use words like âIâm surprising you tonight.â These kinds of words bring better solutions.
These are little changes to get us started, but they become big moves over time. How? These solutions build anticipation in the relationship and when a woman sees that you took the time to plan for her, you just leveled up. The more developed you become, the more you will be respected. As spoken about in the Preface, through the power of technology, weâve solicited advice from some folks who have been where youâre going.
Husband D.W. and wife Willie are 100 and 103 years old respectively! After knowing each other for only three (3) months, they got married. Since then, they have been together over eight (8) decades. (OWN, 2020, 3:44) Can you imagine how much they have seen in 83 years? I wonder if they knew that their first conversation would lead to joy, sacrifice, change, compromise and interviews.
Think about the many solutions D.W. had to come up with: being married that long, leading a wife and building a family. Willie, D.W.âs wife, had some solutions of her own. Men and women bear distinct responsibilities in marriage.
In her interview Willie shared what D.W. did when she started to, âGet on to him,â (OWN, 2020, 5:35) she said, âHe would just leave the room. Thatâs itâ. Willie went on to say, âYou feel like a nut arguing with yourselfâ. Iâm not suggesting that you just âleave the roomâ when you and your lady have a disagreement. Iâm just reporting the facts that D.W. and Willie used.
D.W. admitted that he wasnât always on his best behavior. (Maybe thatâs why he left the room). Still, in his humanity, he never stepped outside of their relationship. D.W. said, âI just took my own advice which was to do what benefits us, not just me.â
One of the biggest solutions a Man Made For Marriage can bring to the relationship, is his willingness to say, âIâm sorry. I made a mistake,â are words this Centenarian couple lives by. This 103 year old is the epitome of the kind of Hero a woman wants. In Willieâs last comment she left us with this advice. âItâs very important, when you do something wrong to someone, to go back and apologize.â (OWN, 2020, 5:50)
Although that last statement was simple, it is packed with power. And letâs face it, it takes humility to apologize. But consider the act of humility, a must have, relationship food group A Man Made for Marriage must consume. When you eat stuff like this your moral digestive tract is healthy, and your relationship with the woman of your dreams will be healthy. Itâs the classic you are what you eat mantra.
I know you know this, but it bears repeating. There is plenty of relationship junk food available in the marketplace. Social media and electronic devices serve up fast food junk on a regular basis. As part of effective time management, you will need to regularly avoid these types of mobile restaurants.
Managing Appetites
There are a few temptations that almost every American man has faced. It is the temptation to eat too much, and the temptation to eat foods that are not good for you. This is a challenge because of marketing, our lifestyle and because we are human. Also, companies know how to appeal to our appetites.
Personal appetites are powerful. They drive our interest in money, they motivate our buying decisions, and they inform our attitudes and behaviors. Given this power of appetites, have you ever thought about the appetites of the soul? We will talk more about the soul later, but for now just know this, there are two (2) primary types of appetites.
The 2 Types of Appetites
The appetite for power.
The appetite for purpose. (Jenkins, D. Jenkins, L. 2020)
Both are powerful, but both are not productive. Each appetite type feeds the soul and the most powerful one is the one to which you most frequently respond.
Appetites and Hunger Defined
The appetite for power looks for the advantage to satisfy hunger pangs. It shows up when people cheat to get ahead. The appetite for power makes people compromise today, then makes them pay a higher price tomorrow.
Hunger and appetites reside in the human soul. A hungry person knows that they are hungry because of a biological signal that tells them to eat. A personâs appetite is triggered when they have a desire to eat. Itâs like when your Mom says, âItâs time to eatâ and you say, âOKâ. If you donât say, âOKâ your Mom will keep telling you to come and eat until you say, âOKâ.
When applied to your thinking, look at it this way. When thoughts come to your mind signaling you to eat this, and not that, your mind just told you that youâre hungry. But if this is not something you like and that is something you do like, your appetite will tell you to want that not this.
Because of these signals you get hungry because youâre being told, itâs time to eat. Hunger then triggers a desire to eat. Thatâs when your appetite asks, what should we eat? When you have an appetite for beef you find a place that serves beef, but if you are hungry for love, beef wonât do. Thatâs when the search changes, and for our purposes, thatâs why you are here.
Purpose and Power
Purpose shows up as the why to do something.
Power shows up as the ability to do something.
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. is People Undergoing Righteous Practices Opposing Selfish Enticements.
P.O.W.E.R. is People Out Working Every Resistance.
Because of people, purpose and power can work together, but because of people, purpose and power often do not work together. When they separate they become opponents. For example, power hungry people have a purpose, but they possess a low appetite for purpose. On the other hand, purpose hungry people eat a high purpose diet which increases their power. A person of purpose with power is more effective than a person with power and no purpose. The man who chooses purpose over power is a solution minded man.
Purpose decisions delay gratification. Power decisions invite instant gratification (IG). Which of these two do you select most? Because of your choices, what have been the outcomes of some of your decisions?
The appetite for power favors entertainment, ease and self centered behavior. This is a laziness trap that has adverse effects on the human soul. Some of the symptoms of people in this trap include lethargy, blame shifting, and bad work habits. The oxymoron of this paradox is that power in this case leaves the person weak in their purpose. In essence, the power hungry weakens the appetite for purpose.
A Man Made for Marriage craves an appetite that leads to purpose, because of its positive benefits on the human soul. A well fed expanded mind, increased meaning, and optimal health for the soul, are some benefits derived from yielding to the appetite for purpose.
There are 3 primary ways A Man Made for Marriage can jump start his appetite for purpose. They are most effective when you ask and answer the following:
The Big 3 Purpose Questions
Why am I here?
What am I supposed to do?
How can I improve?
When you answer each of the questions, your solutions juices will automatically flow in the direction of answers. Be diligent to thoroughly explore the answers within you. This process works when you work it, because knowing why you are here clarifies why you belong.
When you know why you are here, you automatically position yourself to answer the next question. What am I supposed to do? In a natural progression, the why leads to the what?
How This Flows
Why are you here? To be A Man Made for Marriage
What are you supposed to do? Prepare yourself to be A Man Made for Marriage.
How can you improve? Pay attention to the information and implement what you learn.
A well thought out response to the Big 3 Purpose Questions could take upwards of an hour to answer and hereâs why. You donât want to just get married, you want to stay married and enjoy married life. The more you think about the Why the What and the How of your Man Made for Marriage goals, the easier it becomes stay on the path.
When you have properly implemented this strategy, your honeymoon will last beyond mere days, it can last for years. Not only will you be able to live your plan, you and the woman you attract can work together on this for a lifetime.
Letâs now take a look at the 4 sectors of life you will interact with. The goal is to apply the Big 3 Purpose Questions to each of these areas.
The 4 Sectors of Life
Spiritual Life
Family Life
Financial Life
Community Life
If you spend 15 minutes per category answering the Why, What and How questions, you will spend an hour exploring your purpose. There will be more on this concept later in this chapter, but for now, see how this resonates.
Improvement is a perpetual pursuit because people never arrive. This is not to say or imply that relationships can never achieve success. It is to say however, that personal growth in marriage is ongoing. As we build on the introduction of this, here is how this works.
Men of Solutions
Men of solutions recognize the need for growth and account for this phenomenon by answering the Big 3 Purpose Questions. Growth is such an important feature that this entire book could be devoted to the subject. For now, allow me to re emphasize the growth requirements for A Man Made For Marriage:
   1. A Strong Inner Game
2. A Handle on His Existence
3. A Process for Personal Growth
In our next feature, Iâd like to show these attributes in action through the life of Tom Joyner, a man of solutions. This is not the radio personality, although he is quite remarkable himself. I am referring to Tom and Laura Joyner, a couple who met and got married 51 years ago when it was illegal. (OWN, 2020, 2:08)
In those days, marriage between an African American woman and a Caucasian man was vehemently frowned upon. The two met in college while attending a Coasters concert. Not only was it stressful to date one another, both people were engaged to different people at the time.
The pressure on them was immense, and seemed to come from every direction. âIn those times, â' said Laura, âPeople were expected to remain within their respective cultures.â Despite all the opposition, conforming to the expectation of others, was not an option the couple would choose. Tom said, âThe powerful physical attraction to each other superseded the pressure to separate them.â
And, the couple used the dissenting opinions of others as a platform for growth, Laura said, âSimple but profound truths emerged. Keep your friends and family out of your business because everybody has their own agenda.â (OWN, 2020, 2:20)
Tom worked between home and on location in the entertainment industry. His work ultimately landed him a first assistant director position on television as well as on feature films, the most notable of which being the mega hit movie Jaws. Perhaps in a roundabout way, the jaws of people in culture prepared him for his movie career.
These folks clearly demonstrate the power of a Strong Inner Game, a handle on their Existence, and found a way to Grow. Even though this method was not a thing back then, the activity of being solution-minded is clearly present in their actions. Tom and Laura both decided in favor of their future together over their previous married choices, and together, they have weathered many storms since joining in Holy matrimony in the 1960s.
Tom was ultimately disowned by his family, but he knew that for every problem there is a solution. And with the strength of his supportive wife, Laura, the stumbling blocks that could have disabled others, became stepping stones for them.
Real Issues
Itâs hard to say and perhaps difficult to believe that sometimes, the issues people have to overcome are all in their heads. In Mel Gillâs Ted Talk he states, âThe world is a very strange place.â (Gill, 2016, 00:30) With more than 95% of this earthâs population suffering from the same problem this seemed a fitting conclusion to this first chapter.
âA solutionâ, he went on to say, âMust be found very quickly.â After these words Mel Gill said nothing. The silence was more than awkward, it was suspenseful. The news he shared was worth waiting for - he said, âMore than 95% of this worldâs population suffers from one kind of mental illness or another. Based upon the statistics, that does not leave a lot of people who are well.â
Gill went on to explain the various classes of illnesses including the loose definition of schizophrenia which is this: the inability to tell what is real from what is imagined, what is fantasy from what is reality. (Gill, 2016, 00:55)
The speaker offered a path to normalcy which includes a plan on how to change people from a problem-focused mind to a solution-focused mind. This simple adjustment could make all the difference between life and death given the massive levels of depression all around the world.
This information reveals how important the Big 3 Purpose Questions are. A problem-focused mind could scale to a solution-focused mind by asking Why, What and How questions? This exercise has helped scores of people find their new path.
âWhen people are focused on the problems, they become problem focusedâ, which according to Gill, is why so many relationships break up. Perhaps this insight comes in the nick of time for you. Think about your existing relationship and ask yourself the Big 3 Purpose Questions. The more familiar you are with their use, the greater you can understand their benefit.
Letâs revisit the clock principle to expand your understanding of how to use this model.
                                     The Clock Principle
                                      12 oâclock is North
                  9 oâclock is West                         3 oâclock is East
                                     6 oâclock is SouthÂ
Imagine that your life revolves around a clock. Using the 4 intervals of the clock, 4 primary areas of your life are represented. 12 oâclock represents your Spiritual Life. 3 oâclock represents your Family Life. 6 oâclock represents your Financial Life and 9 oâclock represents your Community Life.
Your Spiritual Life relates to God, your prayer life, church community, study of the Scripture, etc.
Your Family Life includes your spouse, Mom and Dad, siblings or relatives and friends you call family.
Your Financial Life is about your income, money habits, money goals, side hustles or business plans.
Your Community Life includes your neighbors, internet connections, local community affiliations, teams, etc.
Why are you here Spiritually?
Why are you here in your Family?
Why are you here Financially?
Why are you here in Community?
Please answer these questions out loud and in written form if possible. Speaking, hearing and writing is the best way to get the solutions from the inside out.
Next, ask and answer the following:
What are you supposed to do Spiritually?
What are you supposed to do in your Family?
What are you supposed to do Financially?
What are you supposed to do in Community?
Lastly, ask and answer the following:
How can you Improve yourself Spiritually?
How can you Improve your Family?
How can you Improve yourself Financially?
How can you Improve yourself in Community?
Let me suggest that you spend time alone answering these questions. You will find that the answers are already inside of you. You will also note that these answers have been there the entire time. Now they are being called out to be released.
So you and your newly found woman of your dreams are experiencing problems? Run the 3 Dâs through your mind and into the conversation. As the discussion moves around solutions, you will be surprised at how the tide turns in favor of the appetite for purpose.
While the Big 3 Purpose Questions are simple to use, the simplicity can be overthought. Donât overthink this. Donât try to get around the design of these questions. Feel free to add questions that add meaning. For example, you may want to include the following:
What is the meaning of life?
What am I doing that is worth dying for?
What would I change tomorrow if I just had the courage?
Remember, no one can answer these questions for you, because without these answers value canât be added, a new course canât be plotted and issues canât be addressed. Itâs time for you to stop hitting the wall so to speak. Letâs put in the work and look for the outcomes. This could be the most valuable information you have encountered in a long time. Just work the steps, this will help you become the Man Made for Marriage your future spouse is looking for.
Coaching is available at www.Calvintibbs.comÂ
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This book wasn't for me. It relied too heavily on other people's words rather than being of independent thought from the author himself. It also felt too surface-level and confusing, as things weren't fleshed out enough for my liking or full understanding.
What I did walk away with was a pull toward this author. It wasn't the chapters themselves, per se, but the advertisement on the last page of each chapter where the author suggests reaching out to him for coaching or life advice from a fatherly perspective. What's better than the wisdom of a father that's willing to talk with you, share with you, and encourage you to implement what he knows to be true?
From what I could gather from this brief book is that J. Calvin Tibbs has developed systematic questioning that will help lead you either into becoming a man made for marriage or a woman who can weed through the chaff to find a man worthy of her hand in marriage. Do I believe he can do this? Yes. Do I believe he has done so within the pages of this book? No. I think this book would be a good precursor to personalized coaching sessions with this author instead. It's the combination of the two, reading the book and obtaining coaching sessions with the author, that will help you to become a man made for marriage or a woman capable of attracting a man made for marriage to her.
The title of this book is genius! The title alone should be able to sell quite a few copies of this book; however, I fear people will be let down by the words shared within. Unfortunately, I've found the book lacking and without enough to make a true difference in anyone's life without follow-up coaching. To what end has this book been written, then?
As a lead magnet, this author is spot on with this book and should find himself able to garner new clients for his coaching business. If that was his goal, he should consider it reached and achieved, and this book pure gold like honey.